Adrift

What do you mean adrift? Why is the title so, one worded, were you trying to make it conspicuous? Man your one silly blogger, ‘adrift’. Is that suppose to stand for something?

Wondering what the top paragraph is all about? If you answered ‘I do not know,’ ding ding ding, you were right because neither do I. I just wanted to captivate you some how, that way you would continue to read my beautiful post. Today I want to share with you what it means to be an adrift human being.

Now the definition of the word ‘adrift’ according to dictionary.com “is lacking aim, direction, or stability.” However, that term is not entirely true for me because I am young, but a maturing disciple of Christ and therefore, my purpose is to live for him and live like him (the latter I am very much still working on). 

Growing up I enjoyed many things such as, playing games, reading books, and listening to music. However, I never got heavily invested, addicted yes. Invested no. That feed into my low self-esteem and my social awkwardness. I couldn’t and still struggle to this day to hold meaningful conversations because, I do not remember the characters on the show I binged watched, I do not remember the lyrics to that song, to sing out loud. I can not give you a detailed summary of that book or scripture I read. I still struggle with the concept of a foul in basketball and I do not have a stance on political issues because I never got invested.

“This is absurd.” “Your problem is your overthinking things.” “You do not need all these things to hold a conversation.” Yes! You are right, my concerns are really not problems, but this is what I have blamed my lack of deep friendships on. Truth be told everyone I talk to has a strong opinion about something, for me my words are always switching. I can have a conversation with someone and when they start to get passionate about something, I tend to lose interest because I am mostly neutral on the stance.

For example when I first heard of how the automobile makers and government bodies are focusing on changing the way we drive by 2030; making self-driving vehicles the primary mode of transportation. I was full throttle against it because I am aware of how man will be stripped of control from a everyday task and how that will be given to robots, and powerful corporations. But, then I started to read the pros on self-driving cars, how efficient they will be for business people and poor skilled drivers. Crash reduction, time saving, and traffic congestion. Then I got excited at the idea, but then the conversation came up among my friends and my first thought was that I disagree with self-driving cars, but then they started to state why they were against it. And to be honest, I do not think my friends heard me, but I started to say how beneficially it will be for us, but my mind was against every-word I spewed, because I was not invested enough to truly say which side I was on. I honestly just wanted to play the devils advocate and be on the opposing side (something I really need to stop doing by the way).

Adrift, in my overthinking mindset because I tell myself that I have little to no friends because I do not get those random, ‘let’s hang,’ text. Adrift, because I have only a few viewpoints on the life we live except that humans should really learn to love each-other more (myself included, I tend to be selfish). Adrift, because I do not invest in friendships because I am awkwardly waiting for someone to invest in me. Adrift, because I have no strong attachments to family or those I can consider friends. Adrift, because I am neutral about almost everything, like why is it so concerning if Jesus was White, Black or Jewish? Why am I opposed to farm animal cruelty, but still enjoy the meat that eat regardless of how that animal was treated.

Anyways this post is way too long now and I know I lost many of my readers, cause people have short attention spans these days. I just wanted to share with the world that I am an Adrift human being and my goal is to fixate myself towards a goal and to at-least have a stance on something, not to offend someone, but to know I agree or disagree. I do not want to be adrift and neutral. I want to be anchored and stand for something.

P.S:

I wrote this when I was really in my feelings. I have room to grow in,  but I do have friends and just need to realize that not everyone communicates the same. I love my family, but I need to show them love rather than just saying it. Lastly, I am passionate about things, its just at times I can be afraid to be myself. However, I will still post this, because I really wanted to post something tonight. And maybe I can assist someone who can relate to the way I think. I know this confuses the whole post, but trust me I do think this way, but I am challenging myself to think differently. And I want my readers who are on the same boat to start thinking differently, because that can save a dream, a friendship or a relationship.

This is Spotivity

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